I wrote this originally in 2015, and have since tweaked it. The challenge was to share a diary of one of Santa’s elves. A diary is a good way to slip in a lot of backstory, as the author documents a bit of their past, and some inner thoughts. This topic can lead to a sweet Hallmark Moment — or not — your choice.
Naughty or Nice
Nov 1. Dear Diary: I am so tired of freakin' toys. And Christmas. All the elves get a week off in January and a month in the summer, complete with huge mosquitoes, up here on the tundra. Other than that, it's flat-out toy making, making sure we'll be ready to fill Santa's sleigh once again. We still make all the basics, like dolls, stuffed toys, and train sets, but kids seem to want more and more complicated high-tech stuff.
It's been decades since I was a kid on Santa's knee, wishing it could always be Christmas. I’ll just say, be careful what you wish for. Don't get me wrong, we are mainly a happy group, all smiles and songs, but it's just that lately it's started to drag. Some days I wish I could get out and do something else.
Nov 16. Dear Diary: Didn't I warn myself about wishing? We just had a meeting in the Great Hall with a guy from HR. The big guy didn't even have the nerve to tell us himself that most of the workshop is being outsourced to some sweatshops in Asia. I might be let go, or not, but I'm not sure which choice would be the good news. Those who leave will have to find a real job down south. We are all hard workers, creative, and great with our hands, but we are only 24 inches tall. With pointed ears.
Nov 18. Dear Diary: Seems like everyone hates their job now and is sitting around bitching and doing just the bare minimum. This means fewer toys for the kiddies, but not my problem.
Nov 20. Dear Diary: Good news, I think. I'm going to be an Elf on the Shelf. Cycling through a bunch of them actually, and charged with monitoring the behaviour of children, that naughty or nice thing, then reporting back to the North Pole. This is basically a social experiment by a bored Santa to try overt surveillance as opposed to the vague "he sees you when you're sleeping", but hell, it's a job and looks interesting.
Nov 22. Dear Diary: Okay, this job is different, but it's kind of cool. At least I'm not stuck in the workshop with all those paint fumes and bitchy elves. All the stores have these shelf elf toys, dressed in red and green, with a little cap, pointed ears, a goofy grin, and long gangly limbs. The story is that they are all watching the children and reporting back to Santa. They aren't really, just those where we've popped into at the moment, but the little darlings don't know that, do they? It is a good idea to get out and see what real children are doing, as opposed to reading surveys from our pollsters. We take our job quite seriously too, documenting the actions of each child, good or bad.
Nov 28. Dear Diary: Apparently, we shelf elves are not that popular. Our coworkers up north think we have it too easy, just sitting around, and most of the kids don't like us at all. They see us as Santa spies, likely with a link to their parents. Some of them fake niceness when we're around, but some don't really care what Santa thinks. They delight in ripping off our long limbs, slathering them with gravy so their dog will gnaw on them, and then burying the leftovers in the garden.
Nov 30. Dear Diary: Damn. I believed this was a secure job, but it's quite dependent on customer acceptance and the whims of Santa. I guess I'm stuck here, with no option of returning to my old job, and no prospect of advancement to something different. I'd be depressed if I thought it would do any good. I can't even end it all, as the spell/curse means we are immortal.
Dec 5. Dear Diary: I just got another job offer. And I didn't even wish for this one, honest. This Krampus guy contacted me to work for him, while I kept working for Santa. Sort of a double agent. He had a thick accent, from Germany or maybe Austria, and was ugly as snot, a cross between a goat and a demon. He's like Santa, but different. He looks out for who's naughty or nice, but he deals with them differently. As in the bad kids will get stuffed in a sack and beaten with a stick. I liked that idea and signed up with him on the spot.
Dec 7. Dear Diary: I like this new job. It feels good to know that while Santa is rewarding the good children, the bad kids are getting what they really deserve. Word of this new twist on Christmas is spreading, with kids either behaving a lot better or at least watching fearfully over their shoulders for this Krampus guy. The adults are spreading this new story too, although they appreciate more the baser instincts of the legend. Something to do with sex, I think.
Dec 12. Dear Diary: I just had another meeting with my new boss. Krampus is impressed with my dedication to the job, as well as some of the creative punishments I've suggested for those who are more naughty than nice. When I told him I was resigning from the Santa Snitch Brigade to focus on my new job, he seemed quite pleased, saying that now I could start to transform. When I asked what that meant, he just laughed, rubbed his hands together, and sent me off to bed.
December 13. Dear Diary: When I awoke today, I felt different. My gangly limbs are filling out, and my pointed ears are hairier- all of me is hairier actually. My teeth are starting to look more like fangs, my eyes have a red glow to them, and I'm feeling an unusual but pleasant stirring down between my legs.
I think I like Christmas again.
Well done! The last entry was the best!
😂😂😂😂😂 the real Spirit of Christmas!